my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
