my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
