i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
is this the sara with the beer cane?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
