haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
