He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
