Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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