cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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