I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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