david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
