Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
