Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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