I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I want a musical about memes.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
