people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
