I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
