That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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