She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
