I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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