I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
