he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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