Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
