I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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