Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
