no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
