i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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