Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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