he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
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You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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