Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
