I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
