So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
