My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
