omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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