just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
