Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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