Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
