somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
