i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
