i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
