Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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