problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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