You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
