So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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