got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
third nipple confirmed
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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