Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
