I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
