Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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