She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
