When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think people are normalizing furries
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
