really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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