FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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