Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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