Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
