see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
