Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
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I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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