i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
