after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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