WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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