ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
