please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
