thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
