Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
