ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
