its not stalking. its research.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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