She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Fuck appropriateness.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
