More tranny stories later!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
handjob tips. give me some.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
