Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There's always time for handjobs
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
