I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
