It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Where did you get a picture of my penis
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
