no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
